I'd Also Have a Lot of Nickels

"I bought a 43in TV from you guys and measured it. It only came out to 40in." a man on the phone complained.
"You need to measure diagonally, sir."
"What's that mean?"
"From a corner on one side to the opposite end."
"Oh ok."
You know, if I had a nickel for every stupid thing a customer did, Derp-Mart wouldn't have to pay me, I could easily live off the 100 grand I'd make a month.