Midget Uprising

A midget came in the other day. At first, I felt like laughing. Not because of anything he did, it’s just that whenever I see one I’m reminded of that South Park episode where Cartman laughs at the motivational midget. Remember that episode? It was a funny one.Am I allowed to call them midgets? Is it little people now? We really need to standardize what we're going to call people. 

“Excuse me,” The man said. “I would like to buy this game.”

“Sure, I’ll grab it for you.” I say. Wait, am I insinuating that I’m grabbing it because he can’t reach it? I mean, I have the key, so obviously he needs me to grab it for him, right? “Is this all for you?” He doesn’t need anything else. “K, I can check  you out over here.” I hope he didn’t take that the wrong way. “At this register here.” Nice save. So I scanned the item. Crap, it’s an M rated title. I need to ask for ID. Would he get offended if I asked? Whatever, he’s at least 17. “Your total is $60.”

“I want to use my debit card.”

“You can use the card reader right in front of you.” Wait, can he reach the reader? Will he get offended if I ask? Maybe he’s a psychic midget. If that’s true, then he knows my thoughts. He’s going to kill me! And I can’t hurt him back. No one is going to believe me about his psychic powers. He probably already has the police and county in his pocket. The receipt for the game pops out. Guess he could reach it. “Ok sir, here are your items. The door lady is going to ask for the receipt.” Wait is he going to insinuate that they’re going to check the receipt because he’s a midget? “It’s because they’re anal about stealing.” Phew, that was close. My brain is still in tact. My brain didn’t explode, so he wasn’t offended. Or was he and he’s just biding his time, waiting for me to publish my book. Then he’ll strike and steal my money to fund their midget uprising. I’m on to you little people. You won’t get away with this!