Secret Ninja Derp-Mart Spies (Hollywood, You Know You Want to Make This Movie. I'll Give You the Rights To It And Even My Comedic Talents In Exchange For 9% Royalties On All Derp-Mart Ninja Products)

I'm not sure what's more offensive being asked if I work at Derp-Mart or someone apologizing for mistakenly thinking I don't. I'm wearing the Derp-Mart colors and a humiliating name-tag for a reason, people. Also, if you don't know how to pronounce my name, it's ok. We don't really care if you call us by name or not (I'm betting the name tag is more of us workers to know each other than it is for you) but we do care if you say it wrong, or at least I do. Though, if there's a secret clan of ninja hoodlums that go around all the Derp-Marts dressing up as workers, complete with name tags, just to confuse customers I will personally apologize to everyone who asked if I worked there or thought I didn't. Also, we should really make a movie out of ninjas going undercover at Derp-Mart to discover where we keep the dead bodies of those workers who try and unionize. (In the secret basement, every Derp-Mart has one. The entrances are located in the bathroom, that way people don't notice the smell and just blame it on the obese, bald worker (who is usually male but sometimes female, scarily enough).