New Policy: Self-Control

I won't make a habit of so many new rules, since I imagine you customers have a hard time learning (you are shopping at Derp-Mart for once.) but we really need to do away with the layaways. The process of putting one product, and this includes any products from your $1000 to your stupid $25 gift, is just too tedious. We spend far too much time getting your gift registered into trailers (yes, huge trailers that can house illegal aliens and probably do for all seasons aside from Christmas). And all this work is useless in the age of credit, since you can just put it on credit and pay it off. Ok, yes, interest, you're too smart to pay those clowns extra money. Well here's a novel idea, why don't you try saving up? It's like layaway but you're just putting your money into a pillow case (or piggy bank if you want to be fancy) as opposed to driving down to Derp-Mart to pay your bill. And with the money you save not driving, you can put towards buying what you wanted. See, I'm saving you money already. You can thank me by not putting things on layaway and, if possible, not talking to me.