Mwa Mwa Mwa Mwa Mwa Mwa

"I'd like to buy a Nintendo WiiU." a customer said.
"We're all sold out."
"No, you're not."
"We aren't?"
"Yeah, you have it in your advertisements."
"We've sold all our stock already, ma'am."
"That's irresponsible of you guys. Don't advertise if you don't have it!"
She might've said more after that but all I heard was blah's and that weird sound the adults make in those Charlie Brown cartoons

.

Does This Make Me the Customer?

"I'm looking for a CD called Thene. T.H.E.N.E. It's a new release." a woman said.
I've never heard of it but I guide her over to our new release section and help her look for it. We can't find it. Her husband waddles over and asks "Find it yet? Is it a new release?"
"He said it was." the wife replied.
"Me? I didn't say it was a new release, you did." I shot back.
"Why would I say it's a new release? I don't even know what this CD looks like."
Honestly, even I didn't know WTF was going on at this point. So I just walked away.

So Clear, It's Transparent.

"Can I get some help?!" an angry older woman asked. My first suggestion would've been to seek psychiatric care but perhaps it'd be better to just recommend euthanasia.
"How can I help you?" I asked.
"I'm looking for this product." she says, shoving a piece of paper in my face. The only thing written on the paper is $299 and 32GB.
"What product are you looking for?"
"I don't know. I thought you would."
"This isn't a product. It's a price and available storage space. Are you looking for a tablet? An Apple product? A notebook?"
"I don't know anything about technology."
"Well, that's apparent.

New Rule: No Complaining

Next person who says "If any place should have it, it's Derpmart." gets my foot in their @$$. I know this one's going to be the hardest for people to follow. If any place should have what you're looking for, it's a specialty store. Don't expect us to carry every comic book and movie in existence, people! And no, it's not a shame that we don't have what you're looking for. The only shame being felt here is by your parents for raising such stupid children.

I'm Shocked.

A customer came in to pick up their layaway order. Since they paid it off before the 14th of December, they get their $5 deposit fee back in the form of a gift card.
"Derp-Mart is pretty stupid to give me some money back. They should keep the deposit free. Extra money in their pocket." A customer stupidly remarked.
"They do keep it. This is just a $5 gift card, meaning that you have to use it at a Derp-Mart. And, since most people tend to purchase things more than $5 in value, you'll most likely end up spending far more than just a measly $5. Not only does the customer get your money from this purchase but they also ensure you'll come back to buy more just because they gave you a $5 credit card that's useless outside of a Derp-Mart."
"Wow, I didn't think about it like that. I guess that is smart."
A customer didn't think. Surprise, surprise.

I Am The LAAAAAW!

"If I put something on layaway, can I make payments at any Derp-Mart?" A male Latino asked me (I'm trying to diversify my complaining from generic banshee woman.).
"No, it has to be done at this Derp-Mart but it can be paid at any register."
"Why not?"
"Because you're buying our inventory, not another store's. So the money needs to be paid here."
"That's stupid. I should be able to pay for it at any Derp-Mart store."
And I should be able to shoot you, but "The Law" won't let me.

Finding Finding Nemo

"Is there a reason you don't have Finding Nemo in stock?" A man asked.
"Because we don't? We didn't get any copies sent to us."
"Can you call them and order more?"
Oh, of course. Because me and Pixar are uber tight, you know. They come to me whenever they need some Black connections. I'll be more than happy to pull a few strings for a movie that was released almost a decade ago. God forbid YOU do any work, like order it online for yourself.