Are you saying to yourself "Man Fel, I really want to read that Derp-Mart book of yours but I'm starting my Amish training and am learning to hate and eventually forsake technology. If only there was an alternative no-tech way I could acquire your material so that I could continue reading after I join."
Well, say no more (aside from "Buy this BOOK!" to all your friends). Derp-Mart is now officially a physical book. That's right, you can now touch this book (but you really shouldn't. People who do that tend to get in trouble). Now that the book is made with actual paper, you can use it for all sorts of things. Prop up a broken table with it. Stare at it while you're on the toilet. You can even do something crazy like read it. I don't care. I get paid as long as you buy it. And, if you buy now, I promise I won't ignore you on facebook anymore. You get a great book and my attention for only $9.99 (Or whatever the price Amazon decided to put it at). Now that's a bargain.
Customers of Derp-Mart
If you're wondering what I'm doing now, I'm part of a Youtube group. We're video gaming based, so if you like video games and humor, check us out at Too Stupid Gamers.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Derp-Mart POV
Sorry for the silence. I had surgery and, because I was only a temp, didn't get any medical leave. So I had to quit. Still recuperating from that. Not entire sure where life is going to take me next, it's all up in the air at the moment.. Who knows, this book thing might take off and I can write full time. The Customers of Derp-Mart book is coming soon. I did some editing (I really screwed up on some posts. See, the stupid virus is airborne.) now a friend is doing more editing, didn't realize how much writing I did (around 110 pages worth, can't edit that in an afternoon) and I'll be sure to bring it to you as soon as possible. Not sure what the price point is going to be, I'm definitely going to make it cheap. No, $20 books on my watch (unless my publisher wants it, in which case, sorry. I'll make it up by buying whichever fans run into me a sundae. Just ask for it.)
In the mean time, have fun with this video of Derp-Mart from a Fatty McFatterson's point of view, courtesy of a smashing friend.
In the mean time, have fun with this video of Derp-Mart from a Fatty McFatterson's point of view, courtesy of a smashing friend.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
I'm Black Y'all
"Today is your last day?" My co-worker asked me.
"Yep. Like a Black father, I'm abandoning you guys when you need me the most."
"Yep. Like a Black father, I'm abandoning you guys when you need me the most."
I Fell In Love
'I'm just looking for a simple micro SD card for my daughter." A middle age woman said to me. "Nothing too expensive, it's not like she really needs this. She gets enough gifts as it is."
"Yeah, kids are spoiled nowadays." I replied. "I go so few gifts for Christmas growing up, i wished I was Jewish just so I could get more presents."
"I really didn't get anything for Christmas either. I hate materialism and Derp-Mart. i'm only shopping here because my daughter insists on buying something here instead of another place because she's a dumb teenager.
She was the best customer I've ever had and I want to marry her.
"Yeah, kids are spoiled nowadays." I replied. "I go so few gifts for Christmas growing up, i wished I was Jewish just so I could get more presents."
"I really didn't get anything for Christmas either. I hate materialism and Derp-Mart. i'm only shopping here because my daughter insists on buying something here instead of another place because she's a dumb teenager.
She was the best customer I've ever had and I want to marry her.
They'll Grow Up Underprivileged and Probably Become Derp-Mart Workers
"Dance Central and the Disney game requires the kinect sensor bar, do you have one?" I asked a customer who's interested in buying a games for his children.
"No, but I won't need it. You can play it using a controller."
"Well, for most games, yeah. But for Kinect games, you need the camera."
"Nah, I'm ok."
You know what? Fine. Go. Leave with your game. When your kids are crying Christmas morning because they can't play their games, you can just say "Sorry kids, daddy was being a big dumb *&^% who didn't listen to the black guy and now I've ruined Christmas for you...again....for the 5th time.
"No, but I won't need it. You can play it using a controller."
"Well, for most games, yeah. But for Kinect games, you need the camera."
"Nah, I'm ok."
You know what? Fine. Go. Leave with your game. When your kids are crying Christmas morning because they can't play their games, you can just say "Sorry kids, daddy was being a big dumb *&^% who didn't listen to the black guy and now I've ruined Christmas for you...again....for the 5th time.
I Almost Felt Sorry For Him
"I'm looking for a recorder." A customer said. "My boss has been mistreating us. So a bunch of us guys want to catch him. We deserve better, you know."
"Oh, you're preaching to the choir, brother." I replied.
"What does that mean?"
-_- You don't deserve better.
"Oh, you're preaching to the choir, brother." I replied.
"What does that mean?"
-_- You don't deserve better.
Maybe She Was Just Attracted To All This Man
"I'm gonna need you to do all my projects, in addition to yours." T, my associate buddy told me.
"Sure, since it's always the black guy doing all the work around here." I said just as a white customer had walked by. She stopped and slowly turned around with a "Say WHAT nigs?" look on her face.
"Sure, since it's always the black guy doing all the work around here." I said just as a white customer had walked by. She stopped and slowly turned around with a "Say WHAT nigs?" look on her face.
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